if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
