The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
