Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
