i don't like sucking hair
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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