I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
