she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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