I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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