in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
