How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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