but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
