Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
