Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
