I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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