margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
