I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
