OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
