Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
