can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
