She said her name was "party"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
