This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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