she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
