I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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