So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
