i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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