I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
