I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
two words: eviction party
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
