I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
