my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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