I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
