Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
