Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
