the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
