I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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