My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
