Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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