This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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