i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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