thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am available for nakedness
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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