And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
