i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
