thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
