What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
