it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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