i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
