She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
