I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love you. Go after that dick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
