how can u be prego again
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
