I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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