he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
