They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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